Happy Hallowe'en

I have another busy weekend ahead of me as I shall be celebrating my 21st birthday (yes, that's right folks, I'm sticking at 21) so I thought I'd post this little Hallowe'en message this evening and wish you all well for the spookfest.

Things I am thankful for today:

• Twinings Lady Grey tea. Yum.

• The music of Lykke Li. Wonderous.

• The fact that I'm going to see this tomorrow night as a birthday treat.

• Memories of what a fantastic summer I had and how in love I was. Although things didn't work out I'm so thankful for all the things we did together. Time of my life.

• The fact I finally tidied my room. I even hoovered it. It looks good.

But most of all? I'm thankful that I have a father who still wants to carve a pumpkin with his daughter, even though his daughter is nearly 27 21.

Have a great night tomorrow everyone!

Wii-lly painful...

Independence Day 2: Return of the Cloud

That picture was taken from the window of my friend Leigh's flat in Nottingham. I swear any moment I expected a giant alien mothership to emerge from the clouds and start some kind of intergalactic battle. And Will Smith was nowhere in sight.

It's been a busy old week in the life of Helen. I spent last Saturday getting absolutely soaked in Manchester. There is no rain like Manchester rain. It is angry. It is aggressive. It is freezing. But while I wasn't getting soaked I was partaking of cider in an old man's pub, eating, drinking wine with one of my oldest friends, Chris, and dancing. The night culminated in a twenty minute walk/hobble/half-hearted run through the pouring rain back to Chris's flat. Sodden doesn't even cover it so we ate hot buttered toast (incredible), watched Gossip Girl and then settled down for a few hours of fitful sleep.

On Sunday I powered through my raging hangover and deposited myself in Nottingham (via somehoe managing to drive safely on the motorway) for a lovely catch-up with friends I haven't seen for far too long. I went to university in Nottingham you see and lived there for 6 years in total. I do miss the place. Miss the people more though. During my visit I ate yet more food, got very very cold (where has this weather come from?) and played a lot of Nintendo Wii.

I am presently blaming said Wii for my current predicament. I am in pain people. P-A-I-N. I ache all over. And i mean all over. I used muscles I didn't even know I had and yesterday I awoke in agony. I spent the entire day feeling sorry for myself as, accompanying the wii pain, I have also developed the lurgy. I have a cold, a sore throat, ear ache.... the works. Although I feel marginally better today I think it's another day of bad daytime tv, the sofa and pitiful moaning for me. I am a terrible patient, truly.

Friday I'm in love....

A former Friday night. Sigh.

Ugh. Friday night. Formerly the night spent with the significant other. Formerly the night where we would cook dinner, drink wine and watch the same old comedy DVDs for the umpteenth time. Formerly the night that I would look forward to all week and spent most of the day getting ready for so that I looked nice for him after he'd finished another long week at work. I miss that excitement. I miss the butterflies. I miss the drive over to Liverpool where I'd imagine the kiss at the door and the stories he'd tell me about his day. I miss the look on his face when he saw me. The hug.

I think Friday nights are the hardest for me. Scratch that. Friday nights are by far the hardest for me.

Oh Friday, my former friend! Now my sworn enemy.

I miss those nights more than I could ever say.

GOAL!

I have decided something. The key to positivity?

Goals!

To this end, from this day forth, I shall make myself a daily list of things to accomplish. This should hopefully make rising from my pit in the morning easier and less like the birthing of a reluctant infant.

I started well this morning. I got up at 9 (well, 9.30), ate ryvita, drank pomegranate juice and then dragged my self to the gym for an hour and a half of pure, unadulterated sweating. Nice image for you all there (I say 'you all' in the vain hope that somebody, anybody is reading my half-hearted attempts at this thing they call 'blogging'. Who are 'they' anyway? Shut up Helen).

So yes, gym is done and dusted for today. I'm going to try and go 4 times a week. Emphasis on the word 'try' as me and the gym have a long history of falling out with each other. It's a love-hate relationship really. I hate the gym. The gym loves me for paying its exorbitant fees each month and keeping it in the manner to which it's accustomed (fancy machines and personal trainers who never eat, sleep or stop shouting/fake-tanning). Maybe if we spend a bit more time together I'll come to love and cherish it. Maybe not. (Did i just spend an entire paragraph personifying my gym? Why, yes I did! Get over it)

Other goals for today include eating soup, carrots and celery (and all other things wholesome and good), applying for 1 billion jobs (approx.) and attempting to tidy my room so I can at least see the floor.

Go team Helen.

Me at the gym earlier. Maybe.

One size fits who?

I would like to bet that that one size right there would not fit me and my ample thighs.

"One size fits most"..... how disconcertingly vague.

I'm FALL-ing for you....

If this is Autumn then Autumn is fine by me! Sun! Blue sky! Turning leaves! Yes yes yes, it's a beautiful day alright... That right there is the view from my window. How terribly surburban. And quiet. And a little bit boring to be honest. But, then again, I am the grand old age of twentyseven in less than two weeks (27! how the hell did that happen?!) so maybe dullsville is befitting of my advancing years.

How thoroughly depressing Helen, well done on the positive thinking! (minus 5 points on the positivity scale... boo)

M-Dog

And now? Another introduction.....

This is Millie.

Millie is happy today. She gets to lie on a chair and snooze.

Millie is also feeling ~smug~. She gets to sleep, dream of bones and cats and generally laze it up while.....

.... Daisy gets a bath. Poor little mite.

Me? I'm happy. I get to have fried potatoes with chorizo, chilli and garlic for my dinner. Nom.

Yes, as you can probably tell, life is t-h-r-i-l-l-i-n-g today. But that's what happens when you can't find a job...

Ah, the life of the unemployed. It's not all it's cracked up to be, you mark my words (yes, I did just use that expression). It was kind of nice for a while, having nothing to do. But now i am b to the ored and i need a) money and b) for the stir-craziness to subside. Seriously, my brain has far too many thoughts for it to be left to its own devices. It needs to be taken in hand and given productive tasks to do otherwise it worries and worries and thinks things through too much and produces anxieties that weren't there a minute ago. Stupid brain.

D-Dog

Ladies and gentlemen.... let me introduce you to Daisy.

Daisy is angry today.

Daisy doesn't like her new Hallowe'en costume.

The cape even has orange glitter on it but still she complains.

Dogs. Who'd have 'em!

All things bright and beautiful...

In keeping with my desire to celebrate the things in my life here is a joyful little list of things that are currently rocking my world:

• Roisin Murphy - crazy clothes-wearing, mad music-making mentallist (ooh alliteration, saucy) of this parish. I heart her in a major way.
• The Restaurant on BBC2 - I've developed a strange fascination with Raymond Blanc. He can cook me steak frites any day of the week. MAIS OUI!
• My hair. I sit and stroke it sometimes. It's so long and black :)
• The colour red. Fire engine red. Pillar box red. Red red red.
  
• Oyster Bay Sauvignon Blanc. Crisp and fruity and just gorgeous. I admit it, i'm a bit of a wine snob. I only wish it wasn't £8.99 a bottle. Weep.
• The fact I'm seeing Dylan Moran on Saturday. Lovely Irish red wine drinking, chain smoking grumpy old sod that he is.
  
• Chocolate. It's official. I've finally become a girl. For the last 15 years I've barely touched anything sweet or chocolatey. But now? I can't get enough of the stuff! Right now in fact I'm dreaming of chocolate brownies. Big chocolate brownies with plenty of nuts. Mmm...
• Pigs. What's not to love? Gorgeous little pink things. I want one!

And so it begins....

This is me.

On holiday in Greece this Summer. Oh this Summer! This perfect Summer! I had the time of my little life. And then things unravelled. And things fell apart. And, all of a sudden, without warning, I was on my own.

Alone again.

Inevitably.

I'm not sure what's happened to me recently but I've become one of those people I hate. One of 'those' people. The ones who whine and whinge and generally bring people down.

So it stops.

Now.

I'm going to try and appreciate the beautiful things I do have in my life. The wonderful friends I have. My fantastic parents. My health. My rapier like wit (ha). The fact I've been privileged enough to gain an education (ignoring the fact I can't get a job in my chosen profession). The fact I have loved, and been loved. That I have been lucky enough to laugh until I cry. That I live in a country where I am free to do pretty much whatever I like.

This is the start of me finding my way back. To the person I used to be.

To happiness... I hope.