Valentine's Day.
Two words that strike fear into the heart of singletons everywhere. Or not, y'know, depending on how overdramatic they are. With four days to go, I'm betting there are lots of men (and women) who are getting pretty panicky about what to get their current squeeze. Chocolates? Flowers? Lingerie? All standard and done to death.
Here's what I'd like to receive this V Day...
Yes. That is heart shaped cheese. And it is glorious. I bought my parents some for their Ruby Wedding Anniversary last year and it was delicious. Buy heart shaped cheese, assorted condiments and even vodka from the wonderful Godminster Vintage. Or, if you're feeling spicy, get your lover a heart shaped jar of Tracklements Chilli Jam. Say it with food, people. Say it with food.
Continuing with the food theme, buy me an English Cheesecake Company cheesecake and I'll more than likely marry you or promise you my first born (HA). However, I will not iron your shirts. Not even cheesecake is worth that.
If you're feeling wordy then Adopt a Word for your significant other. The words pictured are just a few of my favourites. Pig, in particular. Other words are available, etc etc. 'Love', maybe? Or 'simmering resentment'? Oh, that's two words isn't it? My bad.
Three words. MONSTER TRUCK DRIVING. Available at buyagift.co.uk and numerous other places, I really can't think of anything more romantic. I'm not sure I'm joking either. The best Valentine's Day present that I ever bought anyone was a Sphereing experience. If chucking yourselves down a hill in a giant ball of death doesn't say 'we love each other' then what the hell will?!
So, there you go kids. Helen's guide to romantic gifts for Valentine's Day. Basically, food, food, amusing words and near death experiences. Take note.
